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Who Gives A Knit

Posted by: MrsLawcomic
Knitting is all the rage. Stupid little hipsters in their stupid little houses are knitting stupid little scarves as we speak. They are writing books about knitting, using phrases like “stitch and bitch” or “not your mothers knitting”. Gross. It is your mother’s knitting. For that matter, it’s yourgreat-great-great-great grandmother’s knitting. Get over yourself. I hate to dissolve the magical illusion surrounding the wonder and skill of watching me knit, but eight year olds in 1750 could do it. It’s not that big a deal.

We are not recruiting. But thanks for asking.

Knitting shouldn’t impress you.

Me knitting these without a pattern should.

Many of you may be considering knitting as a hobby. As the founder of the Memphis Knit Mafia, I feel I owe it to you to pass on the wisdom of my years. Stop thinking ‘purls of wisdom’ or I will make you go knit with the hipsters.

  1. Knitting is not a way to save money.  You will need a lot of yarn and the good stuff can get pricey. No one wants to wear clothing that squeaks. Nice fibers make the task of knitting worth it.
  2. Knitting is relaxing. After about a year. You will eventually settle in to the repetition and find your rhythm. But even a seasoned knitter likes a mindless project every so often. It’s like meditation.
  3. Yes, you can learn to knit. No, I can’t teach you. I could show you how I do it and let you try to mimic me. But then I’d just scream at you for being a moron who doesn’t understand something as simple as a piece of yarn and 2 sticks.

So you have 2 options.

  1. The Local Yarn Store (LYS). There are very nice people who own very nice stores who will teach you.
  2. The Internet. I did a search.

learn to fly 2 ?

Now, seriously, if the web can teach you to fly, draw and sing, it can teach you to knit. Honestly, knitting is the simplest of the above items. (Except, maybe, for the Foo Fighter lyrics.) Now get out there and learn how to knit so I can show you how to do something interesting with it. Don’t worry about results, get lost in the process, be creative and  remember: It’s only knitting, you’re not curing cancer.

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3 Responses to “Who Gives A Knit”

  1. Amanda Says:

    When I tried to learn how to knit for some reason I couldn’t do it without using my mouth. I don’t believe this was the correct form. I have big spider fingers that aren’t good for anything.

  2. Christiana Says:

    That is a tension issue. Easily worked out. Look at a few different methods (continental, english, etc) till you find one that works for you. In Peru they use their neck, so who’s to say you are doing it wrong anyway?

  3. godorito Says:

    Um, not all 8 year olds could knit. Thank you :).

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