Knitted Gifts or I’m Just Not That Into You

Posted by: MrsLawcomic
Some people knit only one thing. I know sock knitters who are vigilant. They make socks like it’s their job. I’m a wanderer. I have made sweaters, toys, shoes, whatever. Once a made a tree full of the Old Ones for Cthulumas. I like a challenge. I have knit a lot of gifts too, but I have really mixed feelings about it.

For my wedding, my Uncle Mike, crocheted me a QUEEN SIZE blanket. QUEEN SIZE. I have never received anything so gorgeous. Not just the time and yarn involved, but the sheer love in making the effort to do it. That gift is why I started knitting. Then I went on a tear and I knit gifts for everyone. I gave them hats, scarves, sweaters and socks. I took requests. I bought the best yarns and used the most complicated patterns. I started my holiday knitting in August.

Then they opened the gifts. There were some oh’s and ah’s, but then they moved on. I pointed out they were handmade, just for them. I got on “oh, wow.” Some of the gifts were admittedly…. amateur. But they were full of love. Disappointed, I moved forward. I got better at knitting and made spectacular objects. People really loved them, begged me to make something for them. Reluctantly, I did.

They mangled them. These gifts were tossed in washing machines and dryers or left out for dogs and cats to destroy or just packed away in closets. I have found that very few people who do not knit (or sew, or crochet, etc) understand what it means to make something for someone else. A piece of you is in every stitch.

After several years of knitting and many gifts given, I have some settled on some guidelines for knitting gifts.

Star-spawn. Hastur is so jealous.

No sock for you!

1. I do not take requests. Exceptions are made for my husband and MIL. When you see me knitting and walk over and say “Hey, you should make me a hat!”, I should be allowed to punch you in the neck.

2. Baby gifts will only be made for those that are the closest of friends and family. For the record the heirarchy is:


Multiple items (socks, bibs)



I could count the people who would get a blanket on one hand.

3. Very few are sock worthy. You know who you are and you are good and just and kind and I value our friendship. On a SOCK level. That’s deep, yo.

4. No sweaters. Period. I am just not that strong.

5. If I feel like I should make you something, it will probably be a dishcloth. It’s easy, useful and I will not be crushed if you hate it.

But, of course, you wouldn’t hate it, would you?

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5 Responses to “Knitted Gifts or I’m Just Not That Into You”

  1. Zach Says:

    I’d kill a man for one of those Cthulhus in a stocking.

    Seriously. Kill a man dead.

    (To avoid non-ironic post/comment disharmony – that’s not me asking for one, just saying they are awesome)

  2. MrsLawcomic Says:

    Be nice to the human sacrifices and say your chants, and maybe the Great Ones will leave one on your doorstep. Right before you are devoured.

  3. Tom Says:

    I think the league trophy should be replaced by a scarf bearing the name of the victorious team. I volunteer to be the first to receive such largesse.

  4. Martin Says:

    I cherish the fish hat. I wear it with pride every time (also when it is sufficiently chilly out – I am not THAT crazy) I can retrieve my daughter in a public place, like car line at school. Maximum embarrassment is what I am after here. To my great surprise, all her friends are now jealous of my totally awesome fish hat. So THANK YOU VERY MUCH CHRISTIANA – YOU ARE HTE BESTS!

  5. Laurel Says:

    I feel your pain on this one. It kinda killed my love for knitting. You spend a month on a sweater and it just gets tossed aside… *sigh* At least when I sew things for people it’s not a month down the drain.

    And Knitted Dishcloths are the BEST. I did a bunch in fun bright colors several years ago. I might have to make some more soon.

    Great post. It really made me a laugh!

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