The New Zodiac!

Posted by: Lawcomic

Some joker in Minnesota announced this week that the dates of the astrological birth signs has changed. And, while he was at it, he added another sign.

Parke Kunkle with the Minnesota Planetarium Society (and an astronomy instructor at a community college) announced that due to a wobbly earth, the signs have to be adjusted. And, in doing so, a new sign had to be crammed into the chart…that of Ophiuchus, the snake handler.  I think it would be unwise to tell ladies in a bar that your sign is that of the snake handler.

Here’s the new star chart:

Capricorn: Jan 20-Feb 16

Aquarius: Feb 16-March 11

Pisces: March 11-April 18

Aries: April 18-May 13

Taurus: May 13-June 20

Gemini: June 21-July 20

Cancer: July 20 – Aug 10

Leo: Aug 10-Sep 16

Virgo: Sep 16 – Oct 30

Libra: Oct 30 – Nov 23

Scorpio: Nov 23 – 29

Ophiuchus: Nov 29 – Dec 17

Sagittarius: Dec 17 – Jan 20

Now, this raises a few issues.

First, I give as much creedence to astrology as I give to the likelihood of being genuinely amused by A Prairie Home Companion.  Nonetheless, these questions remain:

1.  Who has the authority to govern issues in the astrological world? Is there some governing body, or can any community college teacher decree a change in the signs?

2.  If the signs change, and you are forced to move from one to another, do you lose the personality traits you previously had?

3.  Can you now get a no fault divorce on the grounds that “I thought I married a Sagittarius, but it turns out I married an Ophiuchus, when clearly a Scorpio is not compatible with an Ophiuchus?”

4.  Will mediums, gypsies, witches and warlocks now be required to take continuing education classes to make sure their readings are accurate?

5. Is Parke Kunkle a real name?

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